Falling Away Part III

Purpose

Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

There are 7,868,872,451 [as of Jan 1, 2022 (U.S. Census Bureau)] people in the world and we are told that each have a purpose, a reason to be on this earth. So, what is my purpose?

In the last post I mentioned how a friend and a kitten got to me! Did my friend know she was going to have a message for me, probably not. she was expressing to me how God had blessed her, how she prayed and asked for His wisdom and in a whisper it was there. After telling me her story -the dismal, rain filled dark clouds in the sky opened up and a beam of sunlight shone through. Pure Majesty. Once I got back in my car and alone, I felt the tear stream down my face. I had been blessed in that moment. My heart had hurt for so long and I knew what I had witnessed, had accepted it for what it was. For all I know that small moment could have been her purpose, so small yet so huge at the same time. Does our purpose have to be loud and noticeable? I don’t think so. Some are born to stand out and be noticed, while others are just quiet and go unnoticed by the world. We all play a part to make this world go around, I haven’t felt like i’ve been doing any “part” at all. Having a disability that takes away my mobility has me feeling less and less of a human being and that i’m just existing. I am unable to physically work and I keep trying that route~ instead I wake up, turn a tv on or read a book, play a game on my phone, eat then go to bed; every day the same as the day before. What can I be used for? Pretty petty and selfish, right? Writing is something I have been doing since I was young. My mom gave me my first diary, then a real journal and encouraged my love of reading and writing, but that is where it ended. A bunch of poems and stories started in different notebooks sitting in a tote or on a shelf. Forgotten. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I even thought about letting someone else read something of mine, let alone submit it to a contest, but I did. I was encouraged again by another unlikely source; she herself hadn’t submitted anything, yet she is just as good. God opened another door and I didn’t walk through completely. I had to procrastinate for another year. haha. No, it wasn’t time yet. I needed another contest and a new perspective on things. I had to have a fangirl moment and meet an author i’ve read tell me how to publish my work. MIND BLOWN! a whole new world opened up. PURPOSE! I now have purpose. My body may not work, but my brain still does.

I am not a confident person when it comes to me but I can be a huge support or cheerleader for others. I love to see my friends and family shine. I love to lift them all up, encourage them to be who they are meant to be. I always thought that that was my purpose. I was content to sit on the sidelines and be happy for them; sort of. I was never told I couldn’t do it, never told I was dumb or stupid. I did have an English teacher and a band teacher tell me I was lazy, but never stupid. What I did come to terms with was that I was afraid of success, not really lazy. Crazy isn’t it? It is actually more common that most know. If I succeed then the expectations are higher. I don’t like to let those who love and care for me down when in hindsight by not living my full potential I’m doing just that. My purpose being snuffed out by my own insecurities. I love to write, I love to make people smile, I love the idea and the hope that happiness exists in all we do, in all facets of our life. I feel my purpose is to write, to spread joy through the written word. Now I have something to look forward to when I go to bed at night, to dream of a story that will lift someone’s spirit up. To wake up and either with pen in hand or keyboard fired up and ready to go. Now I’m ready to leave a legacy…

What is your purpose?