Today Ma and I got up and started our routine as we do every morning. She prepared our coffee and we turned on our favorite morning show. I sent out texts to loved ones wishing them all a Merry Christmas. It was hard to get into the spirit of the season this year so I didn’t send out my signature Christmas cards. Due to the pandemic there were no family dinners or gift exchanges for us. My brother and his wife did get us a little something to open on Christmas day. The distance has made this year even harder. Tears have stained my cheeks since I went to bed, knowing that today was not going to have my dad in it is crushing me. I am not the only one who has experienced great loss so I know I’m not alone, but boy does it feel like it! Since I’ve been divorced, I have always visited my parents on Christmas, everyone else is out doing things with their significant others and their extended families so I would show up an annoy my parents. Lol. It was a way to cope with the loneliness the season brought me. Now it is only ma and me. Today we will push through and be as festive as we can when friends and family call, but when we shut the phone down our sadness will hover over our heads. I was reminded that no matter what I am going through that I have to remember that the reason for this season is the birth of our savior. The light and the hope to keep going is the message and I need to keep that message close. I know things will get easier with time, but right now it’s too new, too hard to let go. God bless any and all who are experiencing loss this Christmas or for those that still struggle with those who have gone long before. I understand now.

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