It has started, holiday commercials and movies. I am known as the happy, jolly, always smiling and kind pushover. Christmas is the season of love and hope, but what a lot of people don’t know is… I hate it all! Oh,I love family time, but I only get one day. Since my kids were little and their dad and I divorced, I had to share. I had to work around his “Catholic” schedule. He claimed that his family would go to midnight mass so that meant he got to wake up Christmas morning with them. I found out years later that they never went to church at all. Christmas without your babies just sucks! All the holidays do is remind me of how alone I am. All of the holidays are like that. I am always invited to dinners but it feels like sympathy invites. Lame I know. Christmas movies make me gag, like none of that could ever happen in real life and it shoves salt in those lonely wounds. This year my dad is gone, that was the one place I would go when I was on my own. Long story short, just because someone is happy and smiling on the outside doesn’t mean they have it all together, it’s because they know how it feels to be lonely and they want to spread some happiness to someone else. Their smile could be hiding their pain, but want to make sure you don’t have to feel that way. My confession doesn’t mean I’m going to stop smiling and being all bubbly. I just wish it was easier to deal with the holidays better.

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